Habit

Habit is a funny word, isn't it? The first definition that pops into my head is actually the nun's habit. When I was little and we used to take walks in the seminary down the street, sometimes we'd see nuns walking around and my dad would always say "hello, sister" very politely, like he was a kid in Catholic school. Their habits, all black with white around the face and neck and a cross hanging down, made them look otherworldly and untouchable.

Supposedly it takes six weeks to change a habit (not a nun's habit- I'm sure you could change that in five minutes). I'm always frustrated with myself when I try to change something. I feel like I make it a few days, then slip. Then maybe I have a couple more good days before I slip again. This hasn't always been the case (I became a vegetarian successfully almost three years ago), but I struggle with making and breaking habits all over the place in my life.

I know it's because I over-think things. I'll be intending to practice, but won't be sure that I want to apply to DMA programs, so I'll put it off... and in my uncertainty, I don't get anything done. I wish most of the time that I could just turn off my brain and live, maybe, in a state of perpetual hangover. If I didn't ask "why?" all the time, maybe I'd just do things, go for things, stop selling myself short. Maybe then I could get through more than a few days and actually make a habit.

Maybe, though, it's just a different way of looking at it. If I were a nun, I wouldn't think "I have to wear this stupid piece of clothing again?! Why? Do I even believe in everything this stands for?" Rather, I'd want to think "This habit elevates me as a person. It removes me from a lot of harmful things and brings me closer to the divinity that I'm seeking. Even if it's the same old thing I put on every day, of course I want to wear it."